i am angielim.

What Would It Feature? Would You Watch It?

In the mass existence of society, there are players and there are producers. The world is your stage, your oyster, at your disposal – because we live in a generation of possibilities and opportunities allowing for the greatest degree of existentialism. Yet, we barely consider the effort to construct reality according to what we aspire to be the true representations of our individualism. Instead, we live our realities in the context of simulated reality – defined as a conscious state of mind that is indistinguishable from “true reality”, so unimaginative that one may not even know their lives are within this simulation – meet Truman.

But – my name is Angie. And this is my show. Every element that exists in my life will be questioned and challenged to allow myself to quest for further perfection in this journey of personal pursuit. Without asking these questions, I am but a fragment of existence that is colourless, convenient, safe, expendable, monotonous, bland, unimaginable…. lost.

I am the producer of my own life.
So I am cutting out the featureless scenes where I am hopelessly lost.

CUT #1: Lost in Artificial Transactions
“Hi, how are you? Great, nice to see you – but let me check my phone 100 times during our conversation.”

I truly believe that at the core of every human existence, is human interaction. We grow from others; we learn from others, we are inspired by others. So why do we have surface level conversations?  Why is it that every conversation feels like a key networking opportunity for business? Why is it that conversations feel like a hidden agenda is in place? Why is that when conversations occur, we devalue the importance of that time with the other person and make it necessary to check our mobile devices to check on interactions with others who aren’t physically there? When did it occur that we would rather check transactional texts, Facebook notifications, tweets and emails from others when we have the opportunity to fully appreciate the stories of others who value us enough to take time to personally meet you? We are lost in the challenge of genuine human communication that allows us to discover who we really are when we openly talk about ourselves to those who are physically, mentally & emotionally present.


CUT #2: Lost in Monotonous Relationships
Relationships are not spectator sports. Don’t get into one expecting to be a passive player, you end up losing.

Friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, fiancés, marriages are all higher level commitments to another person & making that conscious commitment means that you have a bond with that other person you find of value. In this valuation, how do you define the strengthening of a relationship with that other person? Do you know what it is that creates the harmony, why you relate to this person, and what you can do to make it dynamic? Like any other facet of your life, you make a commitment to something & work to make it the best it can be. Being in a relationship that is tied down by the mere titled commitment is more condemning than being free and seizing other opportunities for interaction. We are lost in the way that we let our love & mind love those who are valuable to us. Let your actions speak louder than your words – if you have a romantic relationship with someone else; is your heart & mind fully committed to making that other person feel the way they should feel in the relationship? Or is the relationship an existent one out of comfort or fear of losing the predictability? Don’t lose yourself in the idea of the relationship; lose yourself in the passion that creates the moments that make the relationship special.

CUT #3: Lost in Habitual Routines
Wake up, have breakfast, go to work, go to the gym/mall/home, have dinner, sleep. Rinse & repeat.

In some variation or the other, we all go through the daily motions of a routine that may or may not be the idealistic epitome of our lives. Wishing at various points of another that we could be learning or doing something different, but can’t or rather – won’t. “I wish I could play a musical instrument”, “I wish I could speak another language” it’s often that we just leave this aspiration as a thought instead of asking ourselves, “Why the heck not?” When we say “I don’t have time” or “I wish I could”, we are really saying “I prefer to stick to what I am doing” or “I would rather not bother my convenience”. We are lost in the comfort in our lives that hinder the ambition & passion we have for things that ultimately add value to the definition of who we are. With work maintaining a large portion of our lives every day, unless what you do is certainly your passion, we can quickly lose the definition of who we are in what we do.

CUT #4: Lost in Superficial Importance & Unspoken Expectations
Accept everything, question everything.

Within the society of ‘isms’ – materialism, consumerism, capitalism & socialism, there are many unspoken expectations formulating social norms driving the way we operate. But consider another ‘ism’ – individualism as one that is often advocated but never celebrated. We often point out that it is important to be individualistic & maintain self confidence in who we are, but when someone tests the boundaries of unspoken expectations, it is questioned & found odd, because we are programmed to accept certain things as normal. For example, no one ever thinks to go to a movie alone, if you do – you’re seen as odd. But why does it matter? If I want to see a movie & no one happens to want to see that movie or is available, why can I not go about it alone? Or if I decide that maybe I don’t want to pursue a post secondary education after high school, the unspoken expectation whether from society, your parents or peers, is that you should. Many people do automatically progress from high school to post secondary, but is it always the right thing? Have you considered what you would do & whether it would make sense in the course of your life? Consequently, why do we have the things we have? When we live above our means, do we stop to question, whether we really need a Mini Cooper S class if we can only really afford a used Toyota Corolla? What are the reasons behind your decisions whether they are for material items or education? We are lost in the society of consuming that we never stop to think why? Are your reasons motivated by ego or by passion? Are you living at the rate of which is complimentary in your life or are you pursuing one that is barely yours to define?

So, if your life were a trailer – what would it look like? Would people come watch?

How do you grow when you stay in the one place that makes you feel safe? If a decision doesn’t make me feel remote nervous making it, I am not making the right decision. Think twice about everything you do. Ask yourself if there is an opportunity to be happier & fulfilled in what you do. And if the answer is “Yes, there is” – why not?

Doin’ Costa Rica: Don’t Break My Strings… Please

I will end this completely long winded post of verbal masturbation with a short clip from my time in Costa Rica that showcases a different side of me – one that is intoxicated by the venom created by music that creates a natural high for life. Thank god this isn’t an audition tape for ‘So You Think You Can Dance Canada’.

Final Thought

The lost feather floats in the sky & the lonely orphan sits in the center, both waiting to be found and bought into the context of love. Your pursuit of happiness is a right; an entity waiting to be found, it is a privilege to have as a constant in your life, but are you looking for it? How important is it to you if you ignore its value in the context of your life.

With everything else in your life, ‘find & replace’ is an automatic course of action. With happiness lost? Eager to find and replace it again? Or maybe discover it for the first time? Will you spend the time to search for it?